Marriage....And Being Broken Together


"We (should not) make the mistake of thinking that marriage will provide the ultimate satisfaction for which we all hunger. To assume so would be to be guilty of blasphemy. Only God satisfies the hungry heart. Marriage is but one of the channels He uses to enable us to taste how deeply satisfying His thirst-quenching grace can be."
-Sinclair B. Ferguson

Being a stay-at-home mom, my time with other women is limited to say the least. Perhaps this is the true reason I like to blog. I crave encouragement from other Christian women, and for the last few years I have gotten this often from Christian bloggers/authors. I suppose the reason God put it in my heart to blog is so I might pass along that encouragement to others. I want this post to be an encouragement to Christians who might need to know that marriages can be redeemed through Jesus Christ. It is not too far gone for Him. Granted, my marriage has not seen some of the devastating things that others have, we have had our share of trials in 8 years.

I recently had a conversation with a friend that I walked away from feeling deeply disturbed & convicted. I almost couldn't wait for Adam (my husband) to get home just so I could get it off my chest and also get his opinion. I have pondered my thoughts and feelings and spent much time in prayer over this. I even asked Adam if he would help me write this post because there's so much I need to say, WE need to say about a grace-filled marriage. I also want to thank my friend (you know who you are) for your honesty, because without it I never would have thought to write on this.

In this conversation with my beautiful single friend, the subject of relationships, marriage, etc. seemed to be the focus. (As it often is with us ladies, which is ok I'm coming to realize because it is the way we were created by a relational God.) This friend almost fell out of her chair when I told her that my own marriage was a nightmare in the beginning. There was nothing truly loving or holy about mine and Adam's marriage those first few years. This was so timely because Adam and I had just had a conversation about our dating life & early marriage. And God had broken us over it to the point that 8 years later, we needed to repent. Our pastor asked the congregation the other day, "Do we love God enough to be brokenhearted over the things that break His heart?" Wow....YES! We must!

So anyway, after my friend was able to catch her breath again after I shared a little of our story with her, she told me she was shocked because she always thought things were perfect in our relationship. I had to laugh and then I got incredibly sad because someone looking in might think that we have it all together and that if you love each other enough then everything will all work out. No no no!

I want to use this post to tell the world (or the 2 people who might actually read it) that the only reason I am not a divorced woman is because Jesus Christ picked my marriage up with His own hands. Literally. We have no other reason to believe we are still together. HE did it! In His grace, He saw fit to redeem our marriage and in doing so, He placed Himself @ the head, which is where He should've been all along. Without Him, we are 2 people with nothing to hold us together. Have you heard Casting Crown's "Broken Together"? I will post the lyrics below. It's perfect in the way it describes an imperfect pair actively seeking God together in their marriage.

I never want anyone to look at us and think wow, they've got the perfect marriage. We are only a few years into this thing and God has blown our minds with what He has shown us. I can't imagine what we will see and experience with Him and each other in the years to come. It's exciting and frightening at the same time. I will say this though, if I experience even an ounce of His glory and love in the next 60 years of marriage as I have in the first 8, I will be overwhelmed by it.


"Broken Together" by Casting Crowns
  • What do you think about when you look at me
    I know we're not the fairy tale you dreamed we'd be
    You wore the veil, you walked the aisle, you took my hand
    And we dove into a mystery
  • How I wish we could go back to simpler times
    Before all our scars and all our secrets were in the light
    Now on this hallowed ground, we've drawn the battle lines
    Will we make it through the night?
  • It's going to take much more than promises this time
    Only God can change our minds
  • Maybe you and I were never meant to be complete
    Could we just be broken together
    If you can bring your shattered dreams and I'll bring mine
    Could healing still be spoken and save us
    The only way we'll last forever is broken together
  • How it must have been so lonely by my side
    We were building kingdoms and chasing dreams and left love behind
    I'm praying God will help our broken hearts align
    And we won't give up the fight
  • It's going to take much more than promises this time
    Only God can change our minds
  • Maybe you and I were never meant to be complete
    Could we just be broken together
    If you can bring your shattered dreams and I'll bring mine
    Could healing still be spoken and save us
    The only way we'll last forever is broken together
  • Maybe you and I were never meant to be complete
    Could we just be broken together
    If you can bring your shattered dreams and I'll bring mine
    Could healing still be spoken and save us
    The only way we'll last forever is broken together
Songwriters: HALL, JOHN MARK / HERMS, BERNIE

18 comments:

  1. I often tell people if they can survive the first two years of marriage, their marriage can survive anything. Yes, it was that bad.

    I hear all the time that "You wouldn't understand. You have a perfect marriage."

    Sure I do. A perfectly flawed marriage held together by the grace of God.

    What a great thing to write about!

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  2. Yes! Thank you for reading and understanding, Carrie Ann!

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  3. Amen! I feel like I was reading my own story. Thank you for your honesty and sharing what God has laid on your heart.

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    1. Yes, I've thought of you often lately, Tori, as I've been thinking back to our early marriage. Thanks for all of your prayers over the years. You are a blessing to me!

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  4. God is so good! Thank you for you post. So true that once God's at the head of the table our marriage changes fit the better. Blessings!

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    1. Thank you for reading and your sweet comments, Devonne!

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  5. Wow - I appreciate your candor - I have been married a long time and without God in a marriage - not sure how any of us would make it! You spoke sincere and very true and I love the beautiful lyrics of this song! Thanks for this post!

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    1. Thank you for dropping by to read it, Clare. I appreciate your encouragement.

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  6. Wow, this is so great of you to be so open. It helps so many people. So many believe the fairy tale. I am finding, almost 22 years into marriage, that we sometimes have to break and crack a bit to let Him mend the places to make a much more God-reliant relationship with more of Him and less of us. The quote you included was awesome…so true that marriage is just one of many ways God teaches us about Himself. I just read a good book with an eternal perspective on marriage: "You & Me Forever" by Francis and Lisa Chan. Blessings!

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    1. Bonnie, I will have to read that! Thank you for the kind words. And I totally agree.

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  7. I'm with you - our 31+ year marriage is constantly being reshaped by God's hand. Most times, we're our own stumbling blocks - not any outside circumstances. It's only through God's love that our brokenness as a couple is made good - for His glory.

    Every morning we seek Him. Robert will share what's he's learning from scripture, and I'll share from my devotional. We learn together. We grow together. What's broken - eventually is repaired.

    There's no fairytale... or maybe there is? Through great trials comes an everlasting love. And that love is God's love. In us. For us.

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    1. Very well said. Thank you for your comment, Lori!

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  8. I am two and a half years into marriage. And I agree wholeheartedly with you that no marriage is perfect. However, for us, the stressors and struggles came from external stressors...death in the family, cancer, family moving, we moved, and we had a surprise pregnancy. The biggest key to us surviving all of it is grace. God's grace and love and mercy. I would not say that our marriage is wholly thriving. But we are getting there.

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    1. It is a learning process, for sure. And I expect we will always be learning years from now. But that's exciting too. Being on our knees before the Lord is the only way to handle the changes. Thank you for your comment, Amy!

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  9. I ve been married for 12 years and no marriage is easy, regardless of your religious affiliation. There are no tricks..hard work, forgive often, be committed. Thanks for your candidness.

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  10. Your marriage sounds like mine in the beginning! To be honest, it was almost as though we didn't really realise what we had done. But, by God's grace we are celebrating 12 years together this year. It's still tough sometimes, and we do have trials, but God is working on us!

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    1. Happy 12 years! Yes I understand the not knowing what we got ourselves into. We feel the same way. God is so good though! Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment!

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